Tuesday, January 28, 2014

On the days when I "love" but do not "like" my children

I am a young mom.  I have a two and a half year old and a seven month old, both of whom are apparently angels according to everyone around me.  Only my husband and I disagree.

Today was one of the days when I am positive everyone is blind - my children are NOT angels.  Despite a deep, deep love of being a mom, I still have those days when I really dislike having to take care of these two little people.

The worst part?  It isn't because I don't love the little people...I just don't like them right now.

I have a feeling there are lots of moms who may see this and understand what I am talking about.  There are days when it just gets to be a little crazy and overwhelming and chaotic trying to juggle the needs and wants of a toddler and infant who seem to want everything and nothing at once.  Literally.  My seven month old daughter cried for quite a while today because she couldn't decide if she wanted to get down and crawl on her own or cuddle.  So we ended up with a fussy baby no matter what we did and Hito gets upset if Sophia cries, whines, fusses, or talks....which makes everything so great!  And I am supposed to feed them, keep the house relatively clean, and run a business? Ahahaha...that is funny on days like today.

I made this observation to a good friend of mine recently who said that this seemed to be a healthy attitude.  Healthy or not, as she said that, I realized that this was the uneasy peace I have made with the fact that sometimes being a mom is no walk in the park and ends with more poopy diapers than you thought possible or more drool, food, and spit up on you than anywhere else in the house.

Recently, my reflections have changed a little.  It struck me that I am often the whiny child.  The child who can't decide what she wants and get upset when offered different options.  My heavenly Father is infinitely patient with me.  And this is going to be a little cliche but bear with me.  It is something that has so much more poignancy and meaning for me now.  Being a parent has given me insight into the Father/child relationship I have with my Savior.

As children, we are commanded to be holy as "He who called us" (1 Peter 1:13-21).  But that Scripture says nothing about our success in that endeavor. In fact, it seems to count on us failing because it tells us the reason why we have to keep trying to be holy (verses 17-21).   And I am just as whiny and discontent and uncertain as my daughter.

So...as much as I can, from now on, when this momma has a bad day...I will say grace.  Pray grace, be grace, beg grace.  If I have been redeemed with incorruptible things and am held close to my Christ despite my bad days, I will love my children all the more.  Through the drool and lack of sleep, there is the undeniable truth.

I am my Father's daughter and my children are mine and there is always more grace - for all of us.

Have a beautiful day.


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