remembering...

Today, I cried.

I don't remember crying on September 11, 2001.  My 15 year old mind understood that something horrific had happened.  But now my mother of two mind understands something so much greater.

The world is different.

And I cry.

We now live in a world that is full of this out-in-the-open and hidden-at-the-same-time fear called terrorism.

We live in a world where we wait with bated breath as friends with spouses and siblings and children in the armed services return from still hazardous tours of duty in far off places.  We live in a world where our children were not alive that day and need to be taught about these things.  We live in a world where we can start again to teach our children to love, always love.

Today, I praised.

I saw pictures on Facebook of another army soldier husband who returned safe to the arms of his wife and family.  I prayed thanks with a heart ready to burst that my brother made it back from his tour in Afghanistan safely.  I mourned again reading about families broken, security shattered, and hearts crushed by the hate of a few people that day years ago.

This different world also brings opportunities to us to do right and good.  Soldiers are getting help for PTSD, organizations are freeing the oppressed around the world, and we continue to find ways to sustain the earth's population more and more efficiently.

Today, I prayed.

The world is different but the prayer is the same.  Patience, humility, and love are never outdated, never unwanted.  As a mother of two, I strive, struggle, every day to try and point my children's eyes to the Savior who did everything for them, for mom and dad, for the whole world.  The whole world doesn't see it.  But that doesn't change the free offer of salvation and love - it will always be there.  And Christ draws us to Himself.

So I will continue.  Crying, praising, praying.  In full confidence of a future shaped and ordained by my Maker and Redeemer.

There are far better things ahead 

than any we leave behind.

~C.S. Lewis

home is where the heart is

It seems that everyone has a place they like to call home.  A place that is comforting, safe, peaceful.  Sometimes this "place" isn't physical and sometimes it is.  But I will be honest here.  I have missed home.

My home...or what I have kept telling myself is home...is Honolulu, Hawaii.  If you have spent any amount of time on my blog you know how much I look forward to trips back and the food and the people and my family. But I have been realizing that with a child (and theoretically more in the future), trips back to my "home" are going to become fewer and farther between.

That reality is hard for me.  And I'm not always sure why.  Or maybe I'm not sure why I still look at things this way.

Personally, I have often (and probably always) struggled with finding my identity in my Savior.  And if I am honest with myself about that reality - that I wholly and only belong to Jesus Christ - then things like physical locations seem a little silly.

But if I looked at things a little more deeply and even more honestly...maybe I would see that I miss the moments of quiet I remember having with my Lord on a beach in the morning.  Or when you are on a surfboard surrounded by an amazing ocean.  And I have struggled to find that peace and still since I have left Hawaii... and that probably has more to do with college and marriage and child and my struggle to find quiet time than anything physical...But still...

Homesickness constantly nags and I wonder if I am missing something in my current place.  A place filled with family and friends and beautiful places too.

Then I realize again.  Christ is universally my identity.  I may continue struggling with homesickness but still I am His child.  And even if it takes me some work to hear His voice again, He still speaks to me and hears me - no matter where I am.

I lift my eyes up to the hills, from whence comes my help, my help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. ~Psalm 121.1-2

Hoping you all have a beautiful Hawaiian day!

lacking confidence...

So...it has been a rough couple of days for me...which is frustrating me a bit right now. God has blessed me so much: amazing husband, beautiful baby, great immediate family and in-laws, fantastic church family, just to name a few. But in the midst of it all is one of my personal battles: my business.  And I am going to share it with you, my dear readers.  So if you would rather not hear my whining (some of it is a little whiny, I'm sorry), please navigate away from this page at this time.  (I don't do this often but I felt like I needed to get it out of my head. Thank you for your patience.  We will return to this blog's regularly scheduled program shortly.)  =)

I LOVE making jewelry.  I have always loved fashion and accessorizing and making women beautiful (in my small sphere of influence anyway).  But when I decided to take the plunge and try selling my designs, things didn't go as smoothly as they were supposed to.  I am all too aware that some of the problem is my lack of focus on business matters on a regular basis (another one of my "battles").  But an even bigger problem is my lack of confidence in myself.  As much of a "trend-setter" as I have been in different situations in my life, I still tend to be a huge people pleaser.  I want everyone to like my designs as much as I love them.  As I strive for that external goal of making everyone else happy though, I find myself designing for someone else and then I struggle even more because it is no longer my jewelry!  ::sigh::  Why do I do this to myself?

So I guess this post was just going to be a small opportunity for me to be honest with myself and admit two things.  First, that I try to please other people when it comes to my business (other than when I am making custom orders which is what I'm supposed to be doing in that situation).  When I stop designing things that I think are beautiful or things that I think are fashionable, I start stumbling and lose my focus and drive.  And secondly, that I see things as failures that are not necessarily failures.  Just because I haven't reached a goal when I thought I was going to, does not make it an immediate failure.  It just means that my path has taken a different turn than I had planned on.

Alright.  I feel better.  And hopefully I can walk away from this post and try again.  Try to design jewelry that is expressive of me and myself and strive for reasonable goals for my business and be patient until I reach them.

city lights bracelets

Have any of you struggled with a similar dilemma in your life?  Whether you have a business or not, I'd love to hear from you!