Monday, September 2, 2013

my unexpected realization as a mommy of two

I have been single mom-ing it this weekend because the men of my husband's family always go hunting in Arizona over Labor Day weekend.  And that's ok (I have no problem with my husband having some guy time in case anyone misunderstood).  But I have been having a lot of internal conversations about whether I should be a full time SAHM or if there is other work for me outside of my home.

It was an extremely hot weekend so we were sort of confined to the few rooms that we have put air conditioning units into.  Well, I have a nearly 2 year old boy and a two month old girl.  It makes for some creative parenting, lots of mommy guilt, and more tv shows in one day than I normally allow.

But despite the mommy guilt, I did have a blinding moment of clarity.  At one point in my afternoon, I had a fussy infant and a fidgety toddler.  As I held my baby girl, I couldn't help but marvel at how beautiful she is.  My son was settling down with some markers and paper, focusing so intently on what he was doing, blond hair falling forward as he tried to copy the way I hold pens and markers.

And my heart was full.

I stopped and began praying out loud because I couldn't believe that God had blessed me with these two huge responsibilities that I love more than life.  Even at a distance, I felt supported by a husband who was recharging the same way I need to do every now and again.  Perhaps the sweetest thought was knowing that when dad does get home, both children's faces will light up the way they only do when dad comes home.

It was a long weekend that was rather out of our routine.  But it was precious.  I prayed and sang and laughed and cuddled with two children whom God has given me as a charge for the time being.  I was humbled as I remembered again and again that it is all His grace that gets us from morning to night and His grace that draws my children's hearts to Himself.  I carried on in His strength.

And again the blinding clarity.  My place, for the time being, is at home.  My children's physical and spiritual growth is my responsibility.  My family has the luxury of me being able to stay home and as long as God allows, I will be here.

I will be here so that when I tuck my children in at night and they instinctively fold their hands so we can pray before bed or crawl into my lap throughout the day to fold their hands and ask "pray", I can again be blinded with the knowledge that my work is here, at home.


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